Isaiah 53:3 tells us that the Messiah would be “A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief”. Sooner or later, we will all become acquainted with grief. Why were we all created with the ability to experience the agony of grief, the deep pain of depression, or the sadness that accompanies discouragement? Since 1 Timothy 4:4 tells us that “everything created by God is good” there must be a reason we were created with the capacity to experience an emotion so dreadful that at times it made even Biblical role models like Job say that they wish they had not been born. We may never know every reason why we were created they way we were, but here are a few reasons we are given, reasons that will hopefully help us be more at peace with the pain of these emotions.
- We were created with the capacity to grieve so that we will long for and live for an eternity where “ ….He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; Rev 21:4, or in other words to learn to set our “affection on things above, not on things on the earth. Col. 3:2KJV
- We were created with the capability to feel discouragement, so that we will come to the realization that only God controls many circumstances, and with that realization to grow in our trust that He will deal mercifully with us from an eternal perspective. By that I mean He will do what is merciful for us in the “long run” even when it means pain in the present.
- When we are sad on this earth we learn that “full joy” is only in God. We also learn that the more we live life by “The Book” the more full joy we will experience.
I. What is full joy?
God has a lot to say about joy. Just as we want our children to be deeply happy, so the Lord too wants us to live with full joy. In fact the New American Standard Bible uses the word 184 times. You can probably attest to several of these through your own trial and error in life that true, permanent joy is not from chocolate or pizza –they leave you only wanting more, money and the fun you can have with it, alcohol, or shopping. These are all experiences in this life that are pleasurable, and were intended to be enjoyed, yet these experiences do not bring lasting happiness.
- True joy IS from God- He is the source Rom 15:13 says “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace”
- True joy is so resilient that other people, experiences, or even suffering, cannot take it away from you. John 16:22 even says “ … no one will take your joy away from you.” We really get an understanding for how Biblical joy is different than the earthly idea of joy when we see how often that when the word joy is used in the New Testament, it is related to being persecuted for God. In Acts 16, When Paul and Silas are “beaten with rods, struck with many blows, thrown in prison, their feet fastened with stocks” we then find them not raging, or hopeless, but singing. Earlier, in Acts 5 when Peter told the Council that he had to obey God rather than men, and was beaten for it, and released, he went away “rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name.” How can this be? The answer is when something bad happens to us the amount of joy that is takes from us is proportional to how much we were depending on it as our source of happiness. Peter was able to rejoice he considered it a privilege to be treated the way Jesus had been treated, and knew he would be rewarded for this suffering. Ask yourself into what have you invested your joy? Spare yourself the pain of the depression and discouragement that is inevitable when you are dependent on anything but God to give you full joy. When Peter penned that we should rejoice during “fiery ordeals” (1 Peter 4:12-13) He had of have been living from an eternal perspective, a perspective that would spare us a lot of pain in this life, if we would invest the time training our minds for it.
- True joy is full- John 15:9-11 promises us something amazing." Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.” Joy related to eternal things can be so full that it is described in 1 Peter 1:8 as “inexpressible.” Don’t rob yourself in this life of this level of joy. Settle for nothing less. Accept no cheap imitations of joy.
- True joy is from God to us through one another. It was interesting to me that of the 60 New Testament uses of the word “joy” most address the joy that is from God to us through one another. For example: Phil 4:1 says “my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown.” God uses us to bring one another joy. There is nothing more precious than the relationships that Christians enjoy because these friendships touch every dimension of our being. As a well known hymn sings “Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one, our comforts, and our cares.” If you are depressed or discouraged ask yourself this question: “Do I have emotionally intimate relationships with my fellow Christians?” If the answer is “no”, maybe you’ve found your first step of pulling yourself out of your depression. Loneliness and isolation is often a cause of depression. Start applying what you already know about hospitality. Consider the “ball” (of forming close friendships) permanently in “your court”.
II. How To overcome Discouragement or Depression with Joy:
- Repent. If your discouragement or depression is a result of the consequence of your sin, and you have not yet repented of your sin, joy is premature. God tells how to be “exalted” or “raised” out of your depression in James 4:8-10. “Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” If you are in sin and miserable that misery is the best thing that can happen to you, because it is a reminder that you need to draw near to God. We are designed by God incapable of true joy until we repent. Do the right thing, even if it is hard, because joy is a byproduct of right living. That is why God said in Galatians 5:22, “the fruit of the Spirit is…. Joy”. Instead of pursuing happiness, pursue what God tells us to pursue in 2 Timothy 2:22 “righteousness, faith, love and peace”, Joy will be a natural byproduct of that pursuit. Once you are forgiven, refuse to bear the guilt that Satan would use to immobilize you.
- When tragedy strikes feel the extent of your pain. Suppressed pain can often lead to depression. Denying the extent of your pain is not only lying to yourself, it can even lead to poor health. King David is a good example of someone who did not suppress his emotional pain. When King David lost the baby that Bathsheba bore to him, he had to literally pick himself up off the floor. 2 Sam 12:15-23 says “Then the LORD struck the child that Uriah's widow bore to David, so that he was very sick. David therefore inquired of God for the child; and David fasted and went and lay all night on the ground… would not eat food… yet in the end, arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes, and… came into the house of the LORD and worshiped. With the attitude, “I will go to him, but he will not return to me." David showed us the proper way to grieve when he spent time communicating, even pleading, with God, felt the depth of his pain, pulled himself together, showed God he loved Him and “Treasure Hunted” the fact that this son that he had lost, would be one son that he would spend eternity with one day. If we are to have a healthy grieving process we too must, in our own unique way, feel the depth of your grief, so that we will bounce back like King David did.
- Remember, “It came to pass”. Think of trials as a storm in your life. Like storm clouds, most worries that can leave us depressed or discouraged, will either never materialize, or even when they do, they come only to pass and become a distant memory. Sometimes to make it through the present you have to live for the future.
- Remember that God has promised to not test you beyond your limits. If a wooly mammoth of a problem has come your way consider yourself a “spiritually muscular” person in God’s sight. He has entrusted you with a dinosaur of a problem, yet “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” Do you believe Him?
- Listen and talk to God everyday. God is called a God “ who comforts the depressed’ in 2 Cor 7:6. But have you ever had a friend who did all the talking and it was hard to get a word in edgewise? This is like the person who prays a lot, but doesn’t take the time to listen to God. In contrast, have you ever had a friend who is a good listener, but seems guarded with you, and too cautious to let you see the things that are closest to her heart? In your relationship with God, this is like the person who is diligent about Bible study but is robbing herself of the endless benefits of prayer. In which area of your communication with God do you most need to grow- prayer, or Bible study? Try to work up to an hour a day with God. Find the time and place you can most count on for quiet. It is amazing how fast an hour can go by If you are keeping up with church assigned homework, if you are involved in you own studies, reading books on spiritual topics, and taking the time to truly meditate on what you are reading. When this becomes part of your routine, you will find it hard to go a day without drawing near to God.
- Go on a “mental diet” by “ taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). Which thoughts should be taken captive? What is allowed on your “mental diet” ? Only these spiritual food groups: “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8) Any thought that does not pass this litmus test is handcuffed and taken captive (2 Cor. 10:5), or it can be a catalyst for discouragement. Thoughts that reinforce the things that discourage or depress us are the carbohydrates, fat, and sugar of your mental diet. Only talk to yourself in ways that give you an advantage in beating your depression. Negative thinking can be addictive, and Christians are not to be enslaved to anything. Your success in absolutely any area of life is utterly dependant upon what you allow yourself to think, because what you think is what you believe and your actions will be a product of all of your beliefs. A silly example of this is something that I heard that Steve Martin said at the last Oscar Awards Show. He had just seen a very handsome, physically fit movie star walk away with his Oscar Award and as he watched him go, Steve Martin said, “I would give absolutely anything to look like that…except eat right and exercise.” Through the power of Christ, one can overcome “all things”, that is the good news. The reality is that it will take nothing less than the renewing of your mind. For the rest of your life, you must training your thoughts until your mind is stronger than your flesh. Let’s not fall into the same idea of “I would give anything to get over my anger, fear, guilt, depression, self-interest, except the daily grind of taking control of my thoughts. Frank Outlaw said, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny”
- Journal. This can be part of your hour a day with God, because a journal can be letters to your Heavenly Father. Use it to count your blessings, to express your gratitude to God, realizing that just being born when and where you were, probably puts you among the most blessed people who ever lived, especially when you factor in learning the truth, the comforts of this life, modern medicine, technology, etc. Another good thing about journaling is you can talk to your paper about anything, without regrets. It helps us avoid the trap of gossip. Talking to yourself on paper helps you to be able to hold your problem in your hand, to see your problem expressed in the slow, thoughtful motion of writing, and to get a better feel for the size of your problem.
- Make a list of EVERYTHING that you perceive to be standing between you and joy. What do you perceive as the source of your discouragement or depression?
- Separate your discouraging things into “changeable” and “unchangeable” categories praying, “God, grant me the serenity (tranquility) to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” St. Francis.
- Take your list of “changeable” causes of discouragement and make another list of godly options for dealing with the trial. Get advice from others who have successfully solved your problem. Proverbs11: 14. says, “Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory”
- Treasure Hunt the list of unchangeable dilemmas. Gary Smalley recommends, if you have had a lot of trauma in your life that is “unchangeable” and is contributing to your depression, make a list of the most traumatic things that have ever happened to you and extract gems from those experiences by finding the good that can come of each painful experience, remembering what you learned and gained as you went through each trial. You know you have mastered “treasure hunting ” when you can say what the Psalmist said in 119:71 “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.”
- Focus outward. When you turn your attention outward instead of inward, and begin to lift your eyes to the pain in other people’s lives, it is a good diversion away from your discouragement. Make it a point to seek out someone else who is hurting and ease his or her burden. Paul, who had a lot to say about joy, told the church in Corinth in chapter 12:15 that he would “… most gladly spend and be expended” for their souls.”. You are going to “spend yourself” on something in this life, and it may as well be something that will glorify God and store up treasure in heaven. You will never regret the time you spend serving others, for those who most serve others are certainly the most fulfilled in this life. A starting place might be to pull out the church directory and read the names. You will remember the harvest of good works waiting for you, not to mention the work waiting for you outside the congregation or in the community. Live to bring joy to others through service. Your own joy will be a byproduct.
- Do something everyday to form and nourish intimate relationships with your sisters. Paul said of Philemon in verse 7 “For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.” Find your “Philemon”. In fact, find more than one Philemon for when Philemon #1 is out of town. Find a trustworthy sister that you can pour your heart out to. You will save big money on psychiatric bills and will bond forever with those whom you gone through the trenches of distress. You’ll be army buddies for life.
- Identify and break cycles of behavior in your life that feed your depression. It is easy to get into unhealthy behavior patterns. Find the weak link in your cycle of behavior and break it. Then fill your life with positive thoughts, positive people, positive music, positive books, and positive situations.”
- Lower your expectations about morally neutral things. Sometimes depression is experienced because we have our heart set upon things that don’t matter, and when life isn’t going according to our desires, we may experience discouragement. Don’t expect heaven on earth. Ask yourself, “Am I discouraged or depressed about something that later in life I will look back upon with a realization that I wasted precious time in needless distress?” Don’t major in minor things. Be selective about what you are going to let “get to you” because life is too short to not rejoice in the day that the Lord hath made. (Psalm 118:24) You only get this day once. As you may have heard “Today is a gift. That is why it is called ‘The Present’”
- Sweat. You need all the endorphins you can get. The deeper your depression, the more you need to sweat everyday. It is the last thing you feel like doing, but until you are exercising daily, you haven’t done everything you can to beat your depression. The sweat idea and the “doing something everyday to form and nourish intimate relationships with your sisters” idea can be combined if you walk or in some other way exercise with a friend.
A few journaling suggestions for dealing with your depression include:
Clinical Depression
Sometimes problems come in clusters, so much so that you can’t catch your breath in-between “hitting rock bottom” and “bouncing back”. If you have ever had this happen in your life you know what I mean when I say it is kind of like being involuntarily attached to a bungee cord and being pushed off a bridge. Being overwhelmed in this way is one of many causes for clinical depression. Other times depression may be caused by a physical problem like an amino or endocrine imbalance in the brain that is sometimes genetic that cannot be “willed away”. Some documented symptoms of clinical depression include feeling a despair that may be entirely unrelated to circumstances in your life. One may have irrational thoughts including the feeling that they care about nothing, may want to sleep too much, or may even wish for death. Can people rush to antidepressants instead of rushing to God? Yes. This article has already addressed how guilt and sin can lead to depression. In these cases repentance is the best medicine. But if one is not burdened by the guilt of sin, and has a close relationship with God, including a lot of communication with Him everyday, and still has these symptoms, God may use medication as an answer to your prayers. A note to brethren: We must be compassionate toward brethren who experience clinical depression. If a brother or sister in Christ had schizophrenia, we would never tell them, “You must learn to live with your hallucinations.” We would never think they were morally inferior if they needed medication to acquire a brain chemistry that leads to mental stability and productivity. In the same way we need to give the clinically depressed “permission” to get the help they need medically. Clinical depression is not a matter of lack of faith or prayer, any more than any other physical problem such as Parkinson’s or diabetes, and without medication clinical depression can be just as life threatening. Some who need medication only need it for a few months, but this is in no way morally superior to the person who may need medication the rest of their lives. The clinically depressed do not need us to pack their bags for a guilt trip- they need our support.
In conclusion, may I leave you with a few parting words that I think speaks to our ultimate goal as it relates to joy: “Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.” Jude 24-25
Cindy Dunagan
Author of the Journaling Toward Moral Excellence series of journals.
cindy@straightpathspress.com
Journaling Toward Moral Excellence
