Outside of becoming part of the Bride of Christ, the second most significant decision one will make will be selecting a marriage partner. Our spouse will either be one of our greatest advantages or one of our greatest hindrances in gaining eternal life. All would agree that even when one must wait more years than first expected, Mr. Right is worth that wait. There may be some qualities you would add or even remove from the following advice I wrote to my firstborn almost a decade ago, but my prayer is for wisdom among the next generation as they make this life-changing decision.
- He is either a Christian, or he wants to be a Christian shortly after he meets you and hears the gospel. He is not a die hard member of a denomination, who, when he reads the words of the Great Commission, is more impressed with what his church teaches than what God says. His first allegiance is to the Lord and His word, even above the people he loves. He is not one who appears to be obeying the gospel from the motive of getting anyone “off his back”, or for the earthly benefit of marrying you. He is self-motivated by a love for God, and you can tell that his faithfulness to the Lord will not depend upon how great things are going at the congregation where you worship. Spiritually he is a leader. His prayers with you are heartfelt, not rote. You can tell that God is his Holy Friend. He may or may not be a preacher, but he is a key part of the body of Christ, and is an encourager, not a drainer of encouragement. Of course he goes to worship when you are sick or out of town. He will be the Patriarch of the family, influencing your children to seek God. His priorities are well ordered. His Christianity is the most important characteristic he has, but is not the only reason to marry.
- He is self-controlled. He is not a womanizer. He has never been addicted to any chemical. He has never lied to you. He doesn’t look for the easy way out- the path of least resistance. He is willing to wait for delayed gratification. He does not have lack of direction, but uses his time to prepare for his future financially, and otherwise.
- He is energetic and diligent. He is not passive. He works mentally and physically until he sweats. There is, therefore, order in his life. You see it in his home. You see it in his checkbook. You see it in what he does when he has a few spare moments. He works because he loves to work. He doesn’t sit around waiting to be served, but has a servant’s heart. He is respected by his company for his diligence, yet is not so obsessed with his work that he neglects his relationships. He is able to be energetic and driven without being greedy and covetous. He loves God and family more than excessive overtime.
- He is confident. Not arrogant. Confident. He is not timid. He speaks his mind, and is self-assured enough to let others speak their minds. He has self-respect, and does not dread speaking in public, when necessary. He uses his talents. Because of his confidence he is not unnecessarily jealous, and is well liked. He does not need to flirt with other women to build his own ego. He has a good balance of being self-assured, yet humble, and is sincerely appreciative of advice or even correction.
- He is happy. He smiles and laughs a lot. He is naturally this way, so he doesn’t need you to “make him happy”. He is not moody. He would rather talk through difficulties than pout. He is stable emotionally, without mood swings. He makes you feel safe because he is reliable, even predictable in his reactions. He looks on the bright side, is optimistic about the future, and is rarely discouraged.
- He is affectionate in both words and deeds, not only to you, but also to his parents, siblings, and friends. He makes you feel good about yourself in many ways. He almost never hurts your feelings. He loves you at least as much as you love him. He doesn’t make you feel like he has the upper hand and that you are the lucky one to be with him. He is beside himself with love for you. You feel it will be a challenge to keep yourselves pure before marriage, because you have major chemistry. Yet because he loves your soul more than any other part of you, you are certain that through prayer, you will have the strength to overcome.
- He is your other half. He is not necessarily like you. Your qualities are what he needs, and his qualities are what you need. Your strengths and weaknesses balance and compliment one another. You bring out the best in one another. He wears the pants, yet he respects and seeks your advice. Your differences are not points of contention; rather you celebrate and relish your differences. You realize you are a great team, who can accomplish much for the Lord and beyond.
- He is wise. That is why he is willing to wait for intimacy in marriage. That is why he has prepared for a secure financial future. He is wiser than you in many matters. You sense it will be wonderful life learning from him, and that makes you feel secure, knowing he has what it takes to make wise and mature family decisions. You admire his brain.
- He is much more handsome than you think you deserve. You feel like you could easily spend the next one hundred years looking at him. You wonder why someone like him is interested in someone like you. You know that no matter what happens to his face and body though the years, he will always be beautiful to you.
- You are within the same range when it comes to cleanliness of self and property. You are not going to resent one another’s standards one way or the other. You respect one another’s work, so you do not create unnecessary work for one another, but help one another without even considering it a favor or making one another feel indebted.
Mr. Right is going to want a Miss Right, so the best use of a young woman’s time during her single years is to build the qualities in her own character that will prepare her for a lifetime of happiness in her marriage. Be wise and choose wisely.
Cindy Dunagan
Author of the Journaling Toward Moral Excellence series of journals.
cindy@straightpathspress.com
Journaling Toward Moral Excellence
